I have never really considered myself a writer, but I've always loved to write. If I were to have a random quote, thought, phrase, or whatever you want to call it, pop into my head, I would write them down into my "everything notebook." I've never shared them publicly; sometimes I'd read them out to very close friends, but it never surpassed a couple people. For some time, I wanted to have an artist page where I posted them, but that died pretty fast. At this time of my life, I do not think I want fame, glory, or praise. For a long time, that's what I wanted, but I know now, that I just want to be around likeminded people who'll love and appreciate me for all I am: my wrongs, my growth, and my rights. I want this space to be kind of a reflection of that, of myself, and I know that my page is something you have to *find* , so I hope whoever stumbles across this shares something with me. I hope that you read my writings with no judgment in your heart, but a mind open enough to maybe understand what I had gone through. Many of these are really old and during my college days, where I was a completely different person.
I truly crave nothing but you
I've craved nothing, it's true
But when you talk to me and smile
I can feel that tingle for another mile
It'd be great to just be over it
Being done with you and not thinking shit
But you've won this spot in my head
And for once, I don't feel dead
-
You're sending me so many weird signs
Or is that what you're trynna say?
Too bad I fucking love the high
Of feeling like I'm going insane
-
You've become my new inspiration
Singing songs about you in my kitchen
But when you talk to me with that smile
I can feel my heart beatin for a while
I don't know why I don't have control
Thinking of you, going into my fourth bowl
I hoped to bite into a golden apple
Turned out you really were just a devil
Our Earth is dying
The animals are crying
We're burning a world
That was meant for much more
When will we learn
That if we're unsustainable
We'll all burn
But at this point it's unavoidable
The day that I die
Please don't say goodbye
Bury me in a mushroom
Then you could watch me bloom
Give me back to mother nature
Because only she knows what I crave
To give back to her
The world I want to save
You held me so close
that my heart nearly froze
Forgetting who you are
While we're under the stars
I was yours and you were mine
Just for a little bit of time
3 years that I've known your name
That's 3 years that I didn't know your taste
but damn those eyes are so bright
Never thought I'd bounce off your light
-
I'd share my bed a million times
if it means I'll feel you in between my thighs
-
My burdens aren't yours to hold
but you wanted to do that and more
Reliance has a chokehold on my mind
Can't go a day without you in my veins
All I've ever done was hide
My cries are silenced in the rain
-
Never enough...
you explored my body
like an astronomer with the cosmos
You're craving that sensation, but never me
I was easy to let go, call me pluto
-
The smile on your face, lights my world for days
-
Nowhere to go
Nowhere to run
I wait in my room for fun
What's the fun in this?
There's no bliss, even with a kiss
My beauty cannot be perceived by a simple minded being
I'm more than the dying body you're seeing
What I've been through cannot be forgotten
My heart and soul are yet to be rotten
-
Seeing your name was terrifying
Who knew I'd be crying
You're broken from losing our love
But I'm finally beautiful, a dove
You don't understand your role
I probably truly hate you, [REDACTED]
Nothing more than a whore
To him
To them
To her
Nothing more than a fucking whore
-
Pheromones linger in our noses
Our bodies know they've chosen
Heart to heart, tip to clit
Why must you always put me in a trip
-
I've dug myself so deep
It's easy not to see
The mess building up
My walls are shining
The mouths aren't shut
A world where we're all dying
-
Too easy to bring in
Too easy to let in
Too easy to fuck
Too easy, ugh
-
Enough times have you been told
It's all too old
There won't be a change
When I'm stuck in these chains
-
Will you still like me when it's all over?
At the end, we all know you'll choose her
Get me the fuck away from you
And how good you do.
Your names been in my dreams
Since I was thirteen
-
Brain is twisted in your vines
Knowin that your taste's divine
Tongue deep in your mouth
Your hands glide down my gown
-
Shit was better when you stayed
so much is wrong and I can't hear you say
"I'm leaving again, this is the end"
The tears on my face stained
a love never meant to be, stuck in vain
The horrors I put my mind in
Hoping at some point I'll win
Grasping at the skin
That fell so strongly to sin
I sit with my agony
He never leaves me
There's no comfort or love
Is that what I deserve?
The months don't slow down
My inner childs alone in a playground
No one told her
That they wouldn't go together
-
Warmth and love is what I crave
From any human with a pretty face
The problem is I can't trust
They always leave after they thrust
Their bodies crush mine all night
Why do they only see this decaying corpse of mine?
And you said
I really like you and I'm telling you the truth
I'd do anything to make you
Want me
Trust me
Love me
Baby where are you now?
Did I really miss the bell?
Do you know, you look like a clown?
I can tell this won't go far
While we're making out in the backseat of your car
Seeing your name has me spiraling
Is there something wrong with me?
Cuz this is how the story always goes
I'll do my best, but won't be taken home
They toss me out to the streets, like they're some king
But you're just as bad as me
You think your good looks can get you far?
Twisting minds with your manipulative charm
I was the one who knew it all
I looked past the boring warning calls
Yet you still stand tall, while I took the fall
Let the words flow
Like the ink in this pen's throat
-
I'm holding my tears as we talk
Can't imagine how you'd feel if you knew
Sobbing the second my phone turns off
I love and miss you
I don't think I could ever see you again
The thought of your presence makes my body tense
Seeing you reminds me of what we weren't
Happy, satisfied, content
For you are the one who made me believe
That there's no such thing as meant to be
-
To the man that didn't know
that the women he wanted to know
had to let him go
to truly blossom and grow
-
Even the most beautiful of trees
has an old pile of dead leabes
Through any weather, they didn't stop their flow
because to keep moving
is to truly blossom and grow
Innnocence doesn't linger in any of our bodies
But I know there's a spot for you in hell
Where maybe even the devil will freeze
At your doing to my mind, body, while I was frail
-
Step aside, come inside
My candy shop is open
All the sweets that hurt your teeth
Are waiting to be chosen
You put me in your mouth, then frown
Your blood is falling to the floor
Drip, drop
It won't stop !
Gotcha, do you like the taste of razor blades?
-
Your body felt empty next to mine
I was hoping you'd enjoy your time
But I didn't introduce myself
Since you were focused on yourself
Hi, I'm Ms Self Sabotage
No please, there's no need for applause
You held a facade, while I did it all wrong
Did I fuck up, or did you just not speak up
I opened up my home, but you only cared for my hole
"I can fuck anyone I want" you flaunt
Yet unfortunately I still fell for you, runt
Slowly I'm falling
Mentally devolving
Laying in my bed, where my tears start to shed
It's getting to that time of the year
Where our fates grew more clear
We weren't happily ever after
And after so much banter
I'm happy, finally
My world is at peace
There's no more voice haunting me
I'm free, liberated
at your expense, it's complicated?